I don’t complain much.
I don’t really see the point.
There are things in life that you can do something about, and things
that you can’t. Complaining just
wastes energy that could be spent towards fixing the fixable or exhausted by
griping about things that cannot be changed. I’m also pretty reserved and private. I don’t share a lot of what’s going on
in my private life, mostly because I still believe that there is something
called a “private life”. That
being said, this is a rare moment for me.
Public complaining. You
see, I try to do the right thing in nearly all situations. I believe in God and
also believe that Jesus is my personal Lord and Savior. The one thing I always
try to do (I almost never speak in absolutes, so this too is a big statement)
is honor God and build His Kingdom.
That’s why – after 6 years as a biology major, thinking I was going to
go to medical school – I went to a small Christian college and doubled majored
in Pastoral Ministry and Theology.
After that I went straight to seminary and in four years received my
Master’s of Arts in Theology with an emphasis in Biblical Studies and
Theology. I was preparing to do
God’s work. Still am. Yet, here I am, two years after grad
school, working an okay job (for a great boss) waiting for what’s next. I thought going back to seminary and
getting my Master’s of Divinity to prepare for ordination was the “next thing”,
but we find ourselves stuck at a stand still. You see, after switching to William Jessup University and
pursuing the ministry as a vocation, things more or less went smoothly. However, seminary was another story. In
the four years I spent at Fuller Seminary I had two kids, two knees surgeries,
lost my dad in a freak accident when he fell through a roof, and moved to Seattle. When I applied to go back to school
Jasmine ended up in the hospital with a collapsed lung and we got stuck with
thousands of dollars in medical bills and possible bankruptcy. Leaving me to wonder, what’s the
deal? Either this is the greatest
trial ever and the payoff for perseverance will be beyond anything we can
imagine, or I’m stubbornly kicking against the goads and failing to see the
light. As we struggle week to week
to pay our bills and put food on the table I can’t help but wonder where God is
in all this. I’ve spent the last
10 years trying to do what’s right and the reward is overdraft fees, an empty
fridge and delinquency notices from our student loan lenders. I’m starting to wonder if there really
will a payoff in sticking with “the plan” or if it’s time to think about
something else.
